Growing up in “No One Has Ever Heard Of It”, Georgia I was taught that a woman should be seen and not heard. Being the meek child that I was, this came natural to me and at a very young age I began to separate the “good” girls from the “bad” girls. Bad girls were treated the way they were treated because they didn’t know how to act; too loud and unlady like. I was too young to fully understand what was happening back then but now I realize that I was being programmed to believe that a female only deserved to be respected if she acted like a woman. The flawed side of this teaching is that females don’t get to decide what being a woman means. Every level that I climb on my journey of womanhood introduces me to a new set of criteria for the acceptable woman. My mindset changed completely when I realized that the main person handing out these Female 101 grading sheets weren’t even women. They were employers, boyfriends, religions, and society as a whole. It was then that I realized, that I had to be clear about what being a woman meant to me. If not, everyone I encountered was going to decide for me.
Let that marinate for a sec. Women are told how to be a woman and if they do not comply they aren’t entitled to respect.
Once I wrapped my head around that, I changed the way I moved. I disassociated from religion to focus on my spirituality. I looked past my job title and acknowledged the diversity that I added to the workplace. I decided what titles I wanted to wear but most importantly I accepted the fact that all women had the right to do the same thing. We should choose our title, what we do with our bodies, how we work, and what roles we play within the household. Regardless of what those personal choices may be we all deserve respect. People say that respect is earned not given. I disagree. You are deserving of respect whether you are naked or dressed conservatively. You deserve respect whether you are a CEO or homemaker. You deserve respect whether you are a single mother of 5 or a wife.
Regardless of our opinions of respect, the truth remains that no one cares what you deserve. They give what you demand. But see, that's the beauty in being a woman, we have the power to demand gracefully. Once I decided exactly what type of woman I wanted to be, I understood the quote that my Aunt used to say all the time on a deeper level. “A woman should be seen and not heard”. That quote actually isn't about putting a woman in her place that quote speaks to the feminine power that all women have. A woman, when she understands her value, won’t need to speak to be heard. Her presence alone will command respect. When you see her, you will hear her. You will hear the confidence in her walk and the power in her stance.
In reality, what makes you a woman is not how submissive you are or how socially acceptable you are. You are a woman because the universe equipped you to manifest and multiply. We wombman birthed this earth. That alone is worthy of respect.
- Melinda Marie
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