Whether we are bold enough to verbally admit it or not, women initially compare themselves to “the other woman”. I’m not a psychologist so I can’t state this as a professional fact and I don’t know if this competitive instinct is genetics or if society has created this dynamic by constantly pitting us against each other. However, what I do know is that it is true. It is true across the board, regardless of how beautiful or BADD a woman is she still will encounter this at one point or another. If she is put in a situation where it’s her, a man, and another woman she will feel like it’s a competition. She will wonder what it is about her that pushed him to cheat or what it is about the other woman that provoked him to cheat. My theory is that this comes from the fact that we as women know that we are more powerful mentally and persuasive than men so we hold each other to a higher standard. Ultimately it is a self esteem issue that we need to take responsibility of and self-reflect to fix.
Unfortunately, none of that soul searching advice matters when feelings are involved. When we are going through it, anger, hurt, insecurities, and jealousy takes over. We automatically think that we are to blame for our toxic relationship when another woman becomes involved or the other woman is our enemy. We get in our feelings and begin to act off of emotions whether that’s going after him, her, or beating ourselves up with a pity party. Then we create these little logic games to justify our emotions or actions. We get so confused because his actions don’t match his words so we go as far as to try to piece together who he really loves. One of these unwritten staples we use is the “ Who is he lying to” test.
Men are aware of this ladies. They know that we are going to come for each other and more than likely one of us will be dumb enough to convince ourselves to keep rocking with him regardless. He just has to make it through the short-term drama. That’s why they continue to play these same textbook games. It’s a win/win for them. They literally all have the same lines. “What I gotta lie fo” and “Man, she crazy”... or better yet, I have to be nice or she gone mess up my stuff or take my kids. We have all heard it before which makes it even more comical that we keep falling for it.
To one woman he will seem like a real prince charming, A KING. He will show her off to his family, friends, and maybe even social media but behind closed doors he has a closet full of skeletons, aka side pieces.
To the other woman he will keep it real. He will tell her about his main or well, enough to make her feel like their vibing on a higher level of trust. He normally talks about why his relationship with the other(s) is rocky. Ironically, none of the reasons will be because he is a lying a** cheater.
On one hand we can say he’s lying to the one he loves.
On the other hand, we say he loves the one he keeps it real with.
Real talk, he doesn't respect either one of them!
Yea he may want the main to see him as the stand-up guy he wants to be but if that’s not really him he will never stop cheating on her. Yes, the sidechick may feel like there is a connection because he tells her the truth but he is also saying that he is comfortable disrespecting her to her face. Plus, if he’s cheating on someone, chances are he’s not telling the full truth.
As much as these boys like to pin us as the unstable creatures, a lot of times they have no clue what they really want and the only person they truly love is themselves. They are going to tell what ever lie they have to in order to keep up their facade, keep their options open, and stroke their ego. The tables can quickly turn and the woman that’s being told the truth can be lied to by that exact same man if given the right situation.
Don’t allow my point of view or a meme to skew your perspective on relationships but never feel obligated to prove to a man that you deserve their undivided attention. The best way to see what option a man wants is to take your name of the ballot.
- Melinda