So today is Day 2 of the 21 days of Self Care Challenge and already, shit has gotten real. It has gotten so real that I literally scrapped what I was supposed to be writing today and decided against it. Like I literally had it all planned out. Then I went back to finish the draft and realized it was so forced. That's not what self-care is. Self-care is about letting it all hang out, titties and all. No but seriously. Self-care is raw, natural yet intentional. So instead I decided I'll just keep it real with y'all and share a few excerpts from today's journal entry.
But first I want to ask y'all a question. And if you're reading this then I'll really love for you to answer down below in the comments. When was the last time you kept it real with yourself? I mean really real with yourself! I mean, so real that you had to reread or rethink and evaluate who the hell you were talking to because it was just quite hysterical. Then I want you to answer, how often do you keep it real with yourself? The irony of these questions is that we often expect for others to keep it 1 thou with us right? Like there are songs that we live by that stress, keepin' it real. All of this ties back into the whole idea of us expecting so much from others but don't give ourselves the same energy we want others to give to us. I can admit, at one point I expected so much from other people that I literally was no longer a factor of these expectations because it was no longer about what I expected for my well-being rather than what they gave. Vicious cycle!
Today just happened to be the second day in a row that I've written a journal entry in a while. Consistently that is. Finally! It flowed. It literally came out like rainfall on sunny summer day in South Florida. I was appalled. I had to stop myself and say DEE, is that you. No seriously, I talked to myself in third person in this entry. That's how real it got. Now I realize I'm babbling on because I'm actually quite afraid to share this entry with y'all. But then I have to remind myself that even though these 21 Days of Self-Care are for me and about me, all I do is for HER. So here you have it. But first, I must say:
JUDGE YOUR MOTHER!
THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM JOURNAL ENTRY DAY 2 - 09/12/18:
Listening to GaryVee today, like all days, really struck a nerve. But not any ole' regular nerve, but an artery. I realized I was no different from all of these people that call into his show that are "victims". The people that he speaks loudly at and tell to just shut up and get it done. I am also victim, or should I say prime suspect. I spend money on things I don't absolutely need (and see that statement alone "absolutely" just proves my point) because I tell myself I deserve it and it won't really affect my pockets too much right now or my favorite line, "I'll get it right back".
See the truth is, I do deserve it, but I don't need it. I don't need it right now. Not right now anyways. My focus, my priority is getting out of the current space and getting in a better space both mentally and financially. My actions have to match my passions and my desires or I will never get to where I want to go. It will truly be a cycle of the same shit over and over and over again.
Note to self:
Get your shit together before you end up being the girl that could've rather than the girl that did. (........) What will you tell yourself? What will your excuse be when you never make it and when you keep on struggling and drowning yourself in motivational videos, inspirational podcasts, or garyvee yelling in your fucking ears all day and night and articles that teach you what you need to do and what you need to know. Again and again, because you still don't get it.
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHEEERRRR! As bad as it sounds, don't duplicate what you so despise. You know, don't be like them!
So now that we've gotten that out the way. What will you do? Take baby steps because you don't want to overwhelm yourself. You know how you get. Write it down!
The following is headings within the excerpt. The paragraphs after the headings will be left out. Shit got too real!
1. STOP DODGING THEM! THEY WON'T STOP CALLING.
2. STOP WASTING MONEY ON "LITTLE" PURCHASES, IT ADDS UP DUMMY!
3. EAT THE FUCKING FROG!
GET ERR DONE DEE. YOU GOT THIS!
4. STOP! PLEASE JUST STOP! STOP GIVING PEOPLE ALL THIS GOOD ASS ADVICE THAT THEY'RE IMPLEMENTING BEING ALL GREAT WHILE YOU'RE BEHIND THE LENS BEING A SAD CASE, fucking HYPOCRITE.
5. STOP READING WHAT IT TAKES, YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT TAKES. DO WHAT IT TAKES AND DO IT NOW!
6. BE A PROUD C STUDENT, AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SCHOOL.
7. WATCHING THEM LIVE THEIR BEST LIFE WON'T MAKE YOUR LIFE ANY BETTER.
8. GO TO SLEEP
To be continued ....