Telling them no while choosing to tell yourself yes doesn't make you selfish- it makes you happy and healthy… who wouldn't want that? We've seen it growing up on the day to day when we'd watch our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, etc. be everything to everybody while she puts herself last. In that, we've grown to believe that we should do the same. It's a false ideology going around that if a Black woman chooses to put herself first, she has failed as whatever her title is to those around her and that is, in fact, a captive idea to live by. Who made that the final say so anyway? (Probably a man who thought he had it all figured out, poor baby.)
The fact is that Black women face many health issues tied to stress being the foundation/creator of such issues. I get it. Without you a lot will fall apart and that may be well and true but if you consistently give of yourself to the opposite party (friend, family member or whomever) then he or she will continue to take advantage of your big heart and wallah, added stress and your Black will crack and sweetie, we have to keep that truth of "black and don't crack" in rotation.
I used to be a people pleaser. Tossing money left and right to wind up broke and trying to figure out how in the entire world can I make it by for two weeks? Don't be like me, too scared to let people down thinking they won't need me anymore. I promise your sanity and well-being is far more critical.
You don't have to sacrifice your happiness and health, hell even your freedom for broken DaQuan. You don't have to fall for the guilt trip of how your mom raised you when she didn't have to. You don't have to always say yes just because you and Tiff been best friends since the BeBe kids days but you DO have to start making changes for you.
Here are some helpful tips that helped me to stop trying to save everyone which ultimately lead me to myself and my unwavering happiness:
1. Understand that their problems are not your problems. If that person decided to spend their money irresponsibly knowing their bills are due, direct them to prayer. You are not God.
2. Again, know that YOU ARE NOT GOD. God tells us when to help and when not to. I
always gave and gave, plus gave some more. One day God told me, "stop trying to do my job, you are not me. How will they come to me if you keep getting in the way?" Do you think I had a comeback for that let alone wanted to argue that? Nope! I was doing cartwheels in my mind honestly.
3. Love yourself! A woman who loves herself won't put up with anything that disturbs her happiness and peace. Period. Need I say more?
4. Cut off the rotten roots and plant new seeds. This is concerning scars. Recognize what scars you have, heal from them, cut off those things and people that mean you no good and watch how quickly your life gets better.
5. Evolve Queen, Evolve. You only have one life here on this Earth. At this point the stressors should be gone, you'll feel inspired to start over and make sure you do so. You've been there for everyone else now it's time to be there for yourself.
The point is you are just as important as they are and being this is your life, you have to make the conscious decision to make the necessary changes for the better. No excuses. Alright, Queens hopefully this was some soul food to you and may from this moment forward your life is blessed with abundant peace, love, happiness, and success. God bless.
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